It's a Shark! It's a Tornado! No, it's a SharkNado!

Movie: SharkNado
Starring: Tara Reid, Ian Ziering, and Cassie Scerbo
Released: Aired July 11, 2013 on SyFy

Hoot Raiting: This was a hell of a hoot to watch, but it does not actually fit any of my ratings. All I can say is, I had a fun time watching this and I wasn't even drunk. It is awful in just about every cinematic way (I will go into more detail below)...which made it an hilarious experience. I do not regret watching this movie. At all.

Summary sans Spoilers: Fin, played by Ian Ziering (he was on Dancing with the Stars once), tries to herd his family to safety as a hurricane floods the coast, bringing sharks to land. Ultimately, the hurricane-induced floods cause the SharkNados. Fin and his family, (and some tag-alongs) are forced to fight off the Sharknados as a retirement community watches from a safe distance.


The Critical Eye (Spoilers): The plot is...well, I guess it is high concept (that seems to be too generous of a comment). It is a SharkNado--even the poster says it: Enough Said. That is pretty much it. The subplot is Fin (Ian Ziering) trying to save his ex-wife (Tara Reid), and two grown up looking children (like really, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how old they are supposed to be based on their behavior...which does not match their physical ages) from the oncoming SharkNado. They throw in some obligatory family drama to be the emotional conflict, but that is all, clearly, secondary to the SharkNado. I say that because they blaze right through the lines that are there to give us some sort of emotional attachment to the characters. The creators of SharkNado were clearly trying to make it Jawsesque with the main charachters desire to help his family from the imminent danger. But, this just does not even come close to that level of emotion. This movie is really all about the SharkNado. It does not waste any time. It pretty much starts out with the storm of Sharks and everyone running from the storm of sharks. This continues for two hours.

As for the acting...there is none. This is just people strait up reciting lines, sometimes screaming them with a little bit of fear--but not SharkNado level fear. It's more like, "What is this paper-cut gets infected," type fear. It's almost like the director kept saying, "Once more with absolutely no feeling." And that's it. Lines like:

"We're gonna need a bigger chopper!"
"It must be that time of the month,"
"I'm not a stripper!"
"You have a son, too?'
"My mom always said Hollywood would kill me."

Are all delivered with the same lack of acting.

As for the camera work, this movie loves extreme close ups. And, for the most part, stuff is in frame. I feel like, "We'll fix it in post," was said a lot while making this movie.

Now, I can't talk about a movie called SharkNado, and not talk about the special effects. Pretty much everything besides the actors and the buildings are so obviously CGI. I don't think there is any way to make a SharkNado look real, though.

I think it is safe to say that anything and everything that is done in this film is done poorly. This is absolutely not a well made movie--but I had so much fun watching it. The ending is my favorite. At the climax of the movie, Nova, (played by Cassie Scerbo, aka the girl from Make it or Break it), is in a helicopter with Matt, Fin's son, and they are throwing bombs into the SharkNado (yeah, that's how you dissipate a SharkNado, because as a character--who doesn't make it--explains, a tornado happens when hot air meets cold air), a Shark latches on to the helicopter, Nova tries to fight it off and she falls into the mouth of a shark. R.I.P. girl, R.I.P. Then, after some more SharkNado fighting, a shark comes right at Fin's daughter. He grabs a chainsaw and charges the sahark. He charges all the way into the mouth of the shark and is swallowed. R.I.P. Fin.  But wait! He saws his way out of the belly of the shark! Yes. Yes, he does. And just when you think it has reached a level of ridiculous nothing else can top, he pulls Nova out of the shark with him! Yes. Yes, he does. What are the odds that the same shark eats them? Quick, get me a calculator! And thank goodness that shark is not too keen on chewing! Um...yeah. So, that's SharkNado.

The Bottom Line: This is probably the worst movie SyFy has ever made. There is nothing well done about it. But if you want to laugh your ass off, then it is two hours worth of laughs. I had so much fun watching this movie...I just...I'll probably watch it again. Also, it blew up twitter. I think everyone on twitter was watching and tweeting about it. I feel like this is something that is going to be discussed for a while--how such a bad movie go such high ratings and such a twitter response. So, maybe SyFy is crazy for making SharkNado, but they also might have just been geniuses for making SharkNado. I think future film majors will study this phenomena. I really do.

Some fun links about SharkNado:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeednews/the-7-bestworst-lines-of-sharknado

http://www.buzzfeed.com/adambvary/sharknado-director-anthony-c-ferrante

Movie Review: The Grey

Movie: The Grey

Starring: Liam Neeson

Released: January 27, 2012

Hoot Rating: I don't give a Hoot.  Now, you may notice that this is not on the Hoot scale.  That is because it is special just for this movie.  It was so awful that I had to come up with something lower than Hoot-less.

Summary sans Spoilers:  So, basically, Liam Neeson and a bunch of other people in an Alaskan oil drilling team board a plane.  The weather is bad and the plane crashes leaving them stranded where wolves begin to pick them off one by one.  Liam Neeson takes on the role of the leader as they try to make it to safety.  Oh, and also there is a post-credits scene.  I hate when they do that.  I missed it because I didn't know.

The Critical Eye (Spoiler Alert):  In this case, this will be more of a rant than an educated analysis.  Basically, all that happens in this is a plane crashes and there are only seven survivors.  These survivors, most of them anyway, put their lives in Liam Neeson's hands and they are, each night, slowly picked off by wolves who are offended by their being there.  Literally, the movie's plot (or lack of plot) works like this: They walk in the bitter cold snow, it gets dark, they camp, the wolves eat one of the guys, the others sleep.  They walk a little more in the bitter cold snow, it gets dark, they camp, the wolves eat one of the guys, the others sleep.  And so on.  There really is not much there.  Other reviews of this film I have read have said that it is a character driven story.  Well, that's all fine and dandy.  I love character driven movies and stories.  I'm all about character.  But this was not character driven.  You don't really learn anything about any of the characters until the very end when Liam Neeson's character is opening the wallets of the dead men and looking through their personal photographs (they had been collecting the wallets as the men died, so that they could give them to their families if there was a survivor).  Other than that part at the end, you don't learn anything about these men except for the fact that they do not want to be killed by the wolves.  You don't even learn most of their first names.  There is a bit of a focus on the main character, Ottway played by Liam Neeson, but they keep it so jumbled that you really just don't know what is going on.  I mean *major spoiler alert* at the beginning of the movie he is writing a suicide note to his wife and is going to kill himself, but he sees a wolf and, rather than shooting himself, he shoots it.  Then he spends some time feeling the wolf's side as the life slowly goes out of him.  Throughout the film, Ottway keeps having visions of his wife and he has a strange understanding of death.  Finally, when he is the only one left alive, he realizes he has traveled right into the wolf's den, there is one last vision of his wife that leads you to believe she is dead.  Then he plans to fight the Alpha wolf as he is reciting his father's poem, which is not even all that deep.  It is transparent.  He stares the wolf down and the credits role.  There is a post-credit scene, that I didn't see or know about, where it seems Ottway has defeated the Alpha wolf.  But it is not clear.

The Bottom Line:  Basically, you will leave this movie feeling robed of understanding and substance.  There is nothing there.  It feels like an incomplete screenplay.  As a writer, I feel the need to say to other writers: Finish your stories all the way!  I mean, you owe it to your characters and to your audience.  Don't go see this movie.  Unless you like incomplete movies.

Movie Review: Crazy, Stupid, Love

Movie: Crazy Stupid Love
Starring: Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone
Released: July 29, 20011



Hoot Rating: I give this movie a One Hoot rating.

Summary sans Spoilers:  Steve Carell plays Cal, your average married man who is comfortable with his marriage to wife Emily, played by Julian Moore. He is comfortable, she is bored and asks for a divorce. Brokenhearted, Cal starts to spend his evenings at a bar where night, after night he watches the handsome, ladies man Jacob, played by Ryan Gosling, take home girl, after girl. Tired of seeing Cal's pathetic self every night, Jacob tells him that he can teach him his tricks to getting women in bed. Cal goes along with it and gets completely transformed, wardrobe wise at least, and starts having his own sexual conquests. While Cal turns into Jacob, Jacob turns into Cal when he falls in love with Hannah, played by Emma Stone. Over time, and with the help of his son, Cal discovers that he has only ever loved his wife and wants her back. What ensues is just a representation of the complications on love and the difficulties of relationships. Basically, people do crazy and stupid things when they are in love.

The Critical Eye: To be honest, I have to say I had really high hopes for this film. I am sad to say that I was most unfortunately disappointed. I expected it to be sweet with some sad moments, but  that it would end happily and reinforce my belief in true love, even if just for a little bit once it was over. Instead, I sat through a movie that was very slow to start and poorly constructed plot-wise. It felt much longer than the two hours it actually is because of how slow the beginning was. It is clear that Crazy, Stupid, Love was trying to accomplish the very same seamless story transitions of an ensemble cast that the film Love Actually was able to do quite successfully. Crazy, Stupid, Love, however failed in this effort just like another similar and disappointing movie, Valentine's Day. Perhaps Crazy, Stupid, Love feels so slow in the beginning because it focuses too much on the "picking up a girl at a bar" scenes. I felt we needed to see more scenes between Cal & Emily and Jacob & Hannah. There was really only one good scene with Jacob & Hannah and I think it would have done the movie good to show their relationship develop a little more. As for scenes with Cal and Emily, we just needed more scenes that show how well they know each other. Emily is much too cold in the scenes they do have together. I also found myself quite disturbed by the story-lines of the babysitter and the son. They were just somewhat inappropriate and added to the slow pace. The movie does gain strength in the end, however with a hilarious twist. As for the acting, Steve Carell does a marvelous job, as always, at playing pathetically funny. He has the perfect face for it. Julianne Moore was...well, Julianne Moore. There just wasn't much there. Ryan Gosling definitely gave this movie delightful sex appeal and he had wonderful chemistry with Emma Stone, who was as wonderful as ever with her clumsy sarcasm and intelligent strength.

The Bottom Line: There were, maybe, three really good scenes. For the most part it focused a little bit too much on lust rather than love for a PG-13 movie. It does attempt to send a sweet message but I do not really feel that was accomplished. Basically, if you want a Steve Carell comedy, pick something else. This is more of a Dan in Real Life kind of thing. If you want an achingly beautiful love story like The Notebook, pick something else. If you want a cliche romantic comedy with brilliant wit and sarcasm like Easy A, pick something else. If you just want to see Ryan Gosling shirtless and sexy, this is the movie for you.

Classic Movie Monday: The Lady Vanishes

Title: The Lady Vanishes
Stars: Margaret Lockwood, Michael Redgrave
Director: Alfred Hitchcock
Year: 1938
Black & White

Summary: Iris Henderson's last vacation with her girlfriends before her walk down the aisle ends her days of freedom is about to come to a close. Before she boards the train on her way back to her groom, she is hit on the head by a falling flowerpot which was pushed off its ledge intentionally. As her friends worry about her injury, the old lady she met the night before promises to look after Iris on the train so they bid Iris' friends farewell. Once they've boarded the train, they decide to have some tea to soothe Iris' headache. As Iris and the old lady dine the pair chat and the old lady reveals herself to be Miss Froy, a retired governess. They finish their tea and make their way back to their compartment where there is also an Italian family and a German lady. Iris falls asleep only to wake up and see Miss Froy is gone. She asks the rest of the people in the compartment where her friend has gone but they all claim that Miss Froy never existed. Not believing them, Iris begins a frantic search for her friend with the help of the charming Gilbert who seems to be the only one who believes her, much to Iris' annoyance. What ensues is a roller coaster ride of Iris' sanity as she goes from being convinced she is crazy to being absolutely certain of a conspiracy. There is a little romance and comedy thrown in there, too, as we meet various interesting characters on the train.

Director/Production: This is one of Hitchcock's British films which, to me, just seem to have more charm. It is much more simple than his later work but that does not mean he doesn't have a few tricks up his sleeve with this one. He uses trick shots to make things look far more menacing than they are. It has all of the best of his technique as well as he bits of humor.

The Stars: This film stars Margaret Lockwood as Iris and Michael Redgrave as Gilbert. Margaret Lockwood has a strong screen presence despite being the damsel in distress. She plays the role of Iris with strength and determination. I don't have much more to say about her because all of my focus is on Michael Redgrave's Gilbert. Handsome and tall (so very, very tall), Redgrave is the best part of this movie. His character never lacks in the humor department and without him, there would be no romance in the movie. You might recognize the name Redgrave, and yes he is Vanessa's father. For me, he is the best part of this movie.

Why Should You Watch This? This is absolutely my favorite Hitchcock movie (I might have said that about Rear Window, but this one is my true favorite). It shows his genius better than any other of his films and encapsulates every one of his best tricks. "This Lady Vanishes" shows his talent even better than any of his later work, which was done with far more resources at his disposal. It has all the suspense that Hitchcock is famous for as well as all the romance he managed to squeeze into just about every movie he made. Another reason this film is so special to me is because it just has a certain charm to it that comes from the model village and trains used in the opening shots. It is a reminder of how far film making has come. I also feel like the lack of the more technical elements allows you to focus more on the character development. The characters here are so unique and charming that it is fitting that they are the focus.

I love this movie so much and hope that you will do the same. I hope you watch this and come to enjoy it as much as I do. I also hope you can forgive the fact that this is classic movie Monday on Thursday. This one is probably not one you could find at Blockbuster, but you most certainly can get it on Netflix. However, because it is an older film, copyright ownership does not really apply to it anymore so you can watch the full thing on YouTube without fear of it being taken down. Let me know what you think and, as always, happy watching!

Here is the first YouTube video of it, just to get you started. The rest is up on YouTube.

New Posts Soon!

My apologies are long overdue for the fact that I have not posted anything new in a timely manner. This is just me letting you know that I completely intend to do a new post tomorrow! It might be a "Classic Movie Monday" on Thursday, but it will be something! In the meantime let me just say, this summer's movies have been a bit disappointing. I will most likely write a review of the Green Lantern (better late than never) and how it made me feel. I will also probably do another list of movie moments. All of this will be coming in the next four days.

Greatest Movie Romances of All Time (Top Five)

I am a sucker for movie romances. Well-constructed romances pull at my heart strings and I hold them as shining examples of what love is (even though I shouldn't because it will probably lead to disappointment). Regardless, here is a list of movie romances that I find to be the most true, the deepest, the purest, the most epic and heart aching.

5.)  Lady and the Tramp from Disney's animated picture Lady and the Tramp.

Simple and sweet, this children's movie romance lives on through the popular spaghetti eating scene. Couples all over try to imitate this animated perfection with the one they love most. Also making this romance one to remember is the class difference. This film shows, through dog breed and upbringing, that wealth doesn't matter when it comes to love. He protects her and she appreciates him even though the others in their crowds do not think they belong with each other. They make each other better, which is exactly what we all should get out of our relationships. She shows him that not all humans are cruel and he shows her a world she didn't know existed.

4.) George Baily and Mary from It's a Wonderful Life.

George always dreamed of traveling the world and escaping Bedford Falls. Mary only ever dreamed of George. This romance shows that the most important things in life are the people we love and the people that love us in return. It also gives hope to girls who love a guy who doesn't even realize it. One of the sweetest moments in this film is when a young Mary whispers to a young George: "Is this the ear you can't hear on? George Baily, I'll love you till the day I die!" She wishes with all her heart that George just might one day return her feelings. Her wish comes true and in the end he finally realizes he has everything he wants as long as he is with her. She brings happiness to his life that is much deserved due to his endless supply of selflessness.

3.) Noah and Allie from The Notebook.

This relationship is the perfect example of undying passion and uncontrolable love. Noah and Allie love each other desperately, but Allie's family want's better for her. Due to some manipulation by her mother, the two are separated. Each tries to move on with their life but can't stop thinking about the other. Allie finds a man that she knows she should be with but she loves Noah more. This not only shows the struggle of loving two people and having to choose the one you truly belong with but it shows the power of love through the nursing home scenes. He loves her so much he is willing to go through the pain of her forgetting him again just to have her remember him for one brief moment. Most passionately, their love has the power to to see them through the very end together. This is the kind of undying love that everyone should have the pleasure of knowing. It leaves me sobbing every time I watch it.

2.) Scarlett and Rhett from Gone With the Wind.

This romance is perfectly epic. There are few people that belong together as much as Scarlett and Rhett belong together. They are so similar. Both are very stubborn and strong. They go after what they want regardless of the consequences. This relationship has passion and lust but it also shows that sometimes we are blind even to our own feelings. Sometimes you can think you love someone with all of your might, only to find out that they are not who you want at all. From Scarlett and Rhett we also learn that the ones that love us can only take so much and wait so long before they give up on us and all the heart ache of unrequited love--but even when it seems hopeless we should never give up. Fight for love with all that you have and just maybe you will get everything you are looking for and more. Most importantly: Know what is truly in your heart.

1.) Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blithe from The Anne of Green Gables Trilogy

I don't know how well known this movie series is (it is Canadian made and I think it was made for television) but Anne and Gilbert's relationship is beautiful. It begins when they are just kids. Their relationship at that point, however, is a love-hate relationship: Gil would love to be friends and Anne hates that he called her carrots. She holds on to a grudge for far too long. She never knows quite how to talk to him or explain things to him but he is always trying to get in her good graces. When they grow up and finally become friendly, Gil is ready to marry Anne and he loves her but she is afraid of change. This fear also lead her to tell Gil that she will never marry, but Gilbert thinks she is just in love with someone else. As a result we see the extent of his love for her and his pain with what I think is one of the greatest lines of all time: "I hope he breaks your heart. Whoever he is." Change is a common fear that can keep us from being with the ones we love and it can even cause us to hurt the ones we love. Anne also shows us that pride can get in the way of love sometimes and if we do not toss that pride aside when we get a chance, we could miss our opportunity for good. Anne thinks she has realized it too late but love prevails.


All of these on-screen romances make my heart flutter and keep me hoping that some day I will fall in love. They also teach us a thing or two about finding love and keeping it. What do you think of these romances?

Classic Movie Monday: Gone With The Wind

Title: Gone With The Wind
Stars: Vivien Leigh, Clark Gable
Director: Victor Fleming
Year: 1939
Technicolor



Summary: So, I was planning on saving this one for later on but I just couldn't wait. It is one of my absolute favorites and it is truly epic for a number of reasons. This falls into the category of romance, drama, war, and there is even a bit of suspense. I am sure most of you are familiar with it but here is a summary anyway. In this film, Vivien Leigh plays the infamous Scarlett O'Hara. Scarlett is a member of the wealthy, high-society and is able to capture the heart of any man she digs her claws into. She toys with a number of men but she is only in love with one: Ashley Wilkes. The only problem with that is he is engaged. She is quite content playing her game but once she sees that Ashley is not going to give in to her, she goes after other men to make him jealous. Then, when the civil war breaks out, Scarlett has even more obstacles in her way and she agrees to marry a man she does not love before he goes off to war. As the war rages, Scarlett does everything and anything to keep her family's plantation, the beloved Tara, safe. What we see is a ruthless woman's struggle to survive during the civil war and the war of love. Oh, and let's not forget Rhett Butler, played by the oh, so sexy and suave Clark Gable. Rhett is one of the many men Scarlett tries to get wrapped around her little finger. He is different from the others, though. He plays her right back and she is drawn to him, yet still insistent that she is in love with the married Ashley. In this film, there is so much at stake for Scarlett but she fights hard for what she loves: Tara, Ashley...and Rhett?

The Stars: Playing the take-control main character is Vivien Leigh. Ms. Leigh had been an actress in England before this role and was dating actor Laurence Olivier. When he traveled to California to do Wuthering Heights, Leigh followed him. She had already become interested in the role of Scarlett after reading the script. The rest is history. Leigh, unknown in the U.S. beat out many actresses for the part of Scarlett. A part that had to be played just right or the fans of the book would not be pleased. This is the role that jump started her career.

Playing the dashing, smoldering Rhett Butler was Clark Gable. He was already a star, having been in many successful movies. He had the luxury to pick and choose his work. Gable was not really enthusiastic to do this film, for several reasons. He did not like doing period films and he did not do accents. Nonetheless, Gable got the part of Rhett Butler and wonderfully performed it accent-free. Seeing him in this role makes it seem impossible that anyone else was even considered.

The Characters: When David O. Selznick made up his mind to make the bestselling novel into a film, he knew that for success, it was important that it was done right. Those in love with the book are in love with the characters. Most important was Scarlett. People either love or hate her, but she is the type of character that doesn't care about that. She fights for what she wants, or thinks she wants. She will do anything--right or wrong--to get what her heart desires. She is vein and selfish but also strong. It is her strength that makes her a lovable character and everything she does with that strength that makes her so hate worthy. This film is heavy in romance, yet it is difficult to tell if Scarlett is truly capable of love of anything but Tara.

Rhett is the next most important character. If you love the book, you are in love with Rhett. He is the male equivalent of Scarlett. Attractive, strong, morally questionable and selfish. He, however, is very capable of love. His love for Scarlett is passionate but he guards his heart against her because he knows her better than anyone else and he knows just how she could hurt him. he also knows of her misplaced passion and obsession with winning the heart of Ashley.

Why Should You Watch This? Gone With The Wind is at the top of many movie lists of greatest movies of all time. It was groundbreaking in it's day for it's use of color and the burning of Atlanta. That scene alone is worth watching the whole movie for. The film also captures the struggle of the times and the costumes and sets are impeccable.

I love this movie. It is full of emotion and romance. I will warn you that it is a bit long. It runs just under four hours but it is worth the time. There is not a slow moment in the entire film. I really hope that if you have not seen this you will watch it. I think everyone should see it at least once. Let me know what you think and happy watching!